TRUST ME

    *PS... Feel free to drop your contribution on this multi-edged topic

   Trust is a firm belief in reliability, truth, or strength of someone or something. Trust is a delicate delicacy we share with someone having an assurance or confidence that they won’t let us down.

   Trust is like pulling the pin of a grenade and giving it to someone to hold the grenade’s safety lever averting its explosion. Anyone you truly love is aware of the dangers trust accompanies still chose to venture into the adventure.

   The level at which you trust someone is likely to affect how far they are willing to go in making certain sacrifices for you. Mistrusting someone is a clear way of showing how ungrateful you are regardless of the availability of his/her trust. Although trust must be earned. 

 

   Joseph is in his mid-20s dating a beautiful damsel Christine for the past 2years. Christine met Joseph while he was dating a slim light skinned chick Joan. Despite the fact that Christine and Joan shared same light complexion (Joseph obsession), Joan was taller but couldn’t linger in capturing Joseph’s attention as much as Christine’s small, chubby statue which pierced his brains injecting full fleshed attraction. Christine was aware of Joseph’s relationship but due to the enormous gravitational attraction between them, Joseph had to double date. 

   Christiane at some point couldn’t stand sharing tall, dark and handsome Joseph with anyone. Her territorial defense became more aggressive leading to quarrels and misunderstanding. For Joseph to have his independence with Christine, he had to break up with Joan.

   Few years later, distance blinded Joseph and Christine. Joseph trusted Christine like a baby whose parent throws into the air but Christine on the other hand was skeptical about Josephs commitment due to how they got dating.

Lol no matter the distance and how they see it, a baby trust it's parent to always catch them.

   One dramatic day, Joseph experienced couple of dumbfounding events that kept him in a warm state of humility. Christine called his cell phone and they got talking. She talked more of herself ignoring his calm sexy voice at that moment. Few minute later, Joseph told her he needed to go that he will call her back. Then she asked “what do you want to do?” He paused for a minute and said I want to walk a friend. Christine then asked “Boy or girl” in a strong tone like a mother trying to catch a child who is lying before her eyes. “Girl” he stammered. 

   Christine hung up and sent him a text “I’m not mad at you, I know how to deal with your type”

  Anger fueled Joseph as he read through figuring out that Christine had drawn a conclusion over his action. He replied her “if you reasonable, you will see that I spoke to you in her presence. I said all those emotional stuff to you without been shy…by the way she knows you”

   Christine without hesitation replied “I’m not Joan that you think you can deceive…I remember the day I was with you and she called you, she told you she loves you and asked you to reply her but you couldn’t cos you were with another woman ‘me’…that’s same way you acted tonight. There is something between you and that girl”.

   Okay if you want the full version of this story amma input it in “The Landlord” but this short story is actually not a fiction. 

   I know many of us have been through a lot, so much that we don't even trust the very person that brought us to this world. In relationships, when you don’t trust your love one, you indirectly pin events on the walls of deceit despite how truthful they are. Suddenly, the angel that you once fell in love with suddenly looks like a demon.

 

   Which is preferable, comfort you with lies or hurt you with the truth?

   Trust starts with you, not your spouse. Your trust for your spouse or friend can make them revoke any evil intention and if at all they release the safety lever of the grenade, they will surely regret the damn consequences.

How to build trust;

Engrave the mission statement: At some point, trust is based on how you choose to feel not what people do…this comes into play when someone have done everything it takes to win your trust yet you are still misguided with your emotions. Insecurities creep in when we let go of what used to be to what we think it is now. How can you be so forgetful of the promise made, the foundation you two laid? This is what compasses our heart towards the right thinking. You have to keep reassuring yourself that you are not cheated nor you will be cheated. This mind game goes a long way in making you calm about everything. (This is really working for me)

 

Hold unto the future: In my article PastPresent Future, I asked a question “if you will like to know the past of your spouse” if yes do you think this past will affect your future? If no then move on…but if yes then ask yourself "how well holding the past will be for you". Rubbing the past of your spouse or comparing them with your ex infuse stagnation. Most times it detonates in front of our very eyes, making us look childish and unforgiving. Instead remain calm, and gradually unveil the way forward through positive actions. 

Be flexible: Trusting someone is like having faith on the person. Despite the person imperfection you feel he/she won’t let you down. What makes it complicated is that we are not focusing on our own part. If everyone plays their part well, no one gets cheated. We won’t be hearing “I trusted you and you don’t trust me”. When you trust yourselves, there is a mutual satisfaction on the bountiful truth of trust which is rest of mind. Although, since we know humans are not perfect including our very own selves, we should have shock absorbers (grenade proof) that will enable us stand tall no matter the breach of trust. Just have your mind fixed that “people are likely to let you down” so when they choose to release the safety lever, don’t feel bad.

 

Put yourself in your partner’s shoe: Thinking before you act is a sure fire way to get things done the right way. Why did he answer me that way? If I were him what must I have done? How did his day go? Why is she snubbing me? What have I done wrong? Who is messing her thoughts up? You need to think from both ends and not just one end. Place his/her previous actions to judge his/her current actions…put it on a scale and you will get the result.

Give time: When we meet people, there is equality in trust, its left for us to fill the bar through the reputation of our works, deeds, sacrifices, and aspirations.

   Lack of trust makes you fashion imaginations that do not exist. You write scripts and play videos in your mind meanwhile the accused is just going about his regular routine. Trust awakens you to matured state of consciousness, it make you leave freely with people, gives them space to show who they are and what they are made up of. 

   Before we go removing the log out of someone’s eyes… How trust worthy are you? Do you trust yourself. Ask yourself this anytime you wanna accuse someone of breaching your trust. Trust me!!!

Gracious is Newton Paul’s Blog online Publicist
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