PARENTS vs. ADULT CHILD

This Article was edited by: Ovuson John

   There is an on-going argument between this generation and the previous which so far I’ve seen that no one wants to wear the shoes of the other. Today, I’d be x-raying both sides of the argument.

   Judging from our parents’ generation, we observe that they got jobs at an early age and even marry early enough to have you and me. They say back then “there was no choice, no chance to love before getting married”. Despite all the ups and downs, the term “divorce” could hardly be heard from the lips of anyone.

   Developed countries tend to be structured in such a way that regardless of age, work or skill, it gets to a point where you can get married or have the ability and resources to start a family. Contrasting this to the life we live in Nigeria, graduates barely have job to fend for themselves and find a position in the society to survive.Why can’t the youths just graduate from university, get married to the person they fall in love with and start making money even though its a small amount? Must we all make it big before we get married?

   It’s really appalling when I hear parents talk to their children who are graduates as though they are kids or they don’t have a life of their own; simply because they still squat in the same roof. It’s really not their fault because left for me and anyone, once we're done with the university; the next thing on the list is solitude.

   Ever wonder why we tend to spend little time with our parents compared to the entire lifespan we got on earth? It’s of course to perfect our ways, skills, talents and intellect. Majority of the aforementioned cannot be gotten because parents' roof shades the reception of your adult antenna. Parents have a long way in making youths prepared and ready for the future. It’s no harm to care for your adult child, but it’s necessary to treat an adult with respect and push them into a world where they learn and better themselves.

   Are things getting worse or getting better? I thought quality education paves way for better and improved personnel powered to cause a change for national development. But these days it seems worse. As for me I believe things need to change, parents need to stop seeing their children as kids such as telling a boy of 23years old that he is not ready for a relationship. (Oh please!!! Not for any reason can one say something like that we are in a jet generation). Not the generation where you arrange a wife for a guy because he is your only son or wait till he gets all the money in the world and at the end loose his rightful wife because ladies now love him for money rather than for who he is.

   On that note, dating is a process that has to grow. You don’t expect building a house from the top; hearts needs to be broken, hands needs to be positively soiled for them to be stronger. Parents ought to help their children grow rather than suffer their maturity. Parents should involve their children in certain conversations about their future so that they would think ahead and get prepared. Not until youths are given the respect and space to act like one, they won’t see reasons to act as such.

   From the other perspective of the argument, I spoke to a young grandmother, a mother of 3 graduates and she told me “parents who married on time barely wanted such, they wanted quality education, wanted to acquire certain skills to better themselves”. Marriage came to them as big surprises and that explains why many of them still find it difficult handling a home till today. They suffered a lot due to the hardship of the nation, however affecting their social mentality. It’s not their fault they still deprive their adult children from some things. No one is thought parenting. Reason for their being strict is because of the strong love and fear of not wanting their children to experience what they passed through.

   Parenting is best done from how you perceive it, although there are certain levels of knowledge every parent needs to have such as this:

‘As a youth or an adult, you are responsible for the sum total of how your parents treat you’. Did I hear someone say “What!?!”  Yeah... a big time YES. I hear some people complain of how their parents belittle them, then I looked closely and observed that their attitude are not matured enough to earn such upgrade.

What do I do?

   Well, every matured person gets rid of certain childish behaviour at some point due to our own uniqueness. Parents are very observant despite their busy schedules. When there is a slight change in your attitude, they take note. Mind you, your parents won’t mind looking at you as the kid they’ve always known. It’s left for you to choose how you want to be addressed. It can start from you doing some certain task without been told, or you asking your parent how their day went and how you can assist. All these come in very handy, they begin to see that you have come of age to realise your presence is important and however ready to do something willingly.

   I understand as a parent it’s hard to give autonomy especially someone you know his/her flaws and strength; it’s weird to know that our generation is likely to be the oldest generation when our kids turn 30. Right now if you are 25 years, then your mother’s probably in her late 40s or early 50s which is pretty cool, but imagine when girls marry at 30 meaning when your first kid is 30, you’d be 60 which make our generation 10years older. We need to save our generation.

   You remember the Immigration recruitment examination that thousands of graduates filled stadiums in Lagos, Abuja, Benin and other states. How many of them do you think are married or employed and not staying in their parents’ home? I guess just 10%, and if 90% were given autonomy, I believe the number would have decreased. How do animals survive in the wild? After passing through toddler stage, they are left to survive by themselves and of course they survive pretty well. Don’t get me wrong, all I am saying is when an adult child is given autonomy, he wakes up from his slumber and hustle his way out into becoming a better person, this time with the aid of his/her parent.

   In conclusion, the Nigerian government is to be blamed. How can I be blaming the government for affecting how parents treat their kids? Its simple, the retirement programme of the country is absolutely poor; same old people are working since I was born, none of them have retired like they are not tired of working in the same old place. They ought to be sitting at home while the young generation take over with energetic driving force which would propel the country towards the right lane. No wonder things are really bad in the country; their brain needs to rest and not work.