Beastly: The Pathological Lovers

Lanre and Kate have been seeing each other for a few months now. People called them the Romeo and Juliet of this era. They attracted themselves like magnet building an unbreakable force no external force could bend. 

They held hands in public, sat side by side in church, looked after each other like BBnaija Tboss and Miyonse. People envied their passionate love.  

Astonishingly, Kate gets furious whenever she sees girls around Lanre. The idea of girls calling him up on the phone drenched her into a sour mood despite the fact that his banking career required him to meet new client often.

Check out: Signs to know you are in a wrong relationship

Jealousy shot into her veins; sometimes she expressed her jealousy effortlessly either in public or private often in an aggressive manner that couldn’t be tamed. Lanre tried talking her out of it pinpointing facts that he needed to network to boost his career.

She furnished deaf ears towards his explanation, propagating incendiary balls on the relationship they’ve built. Most often after her outburst, she cried and pleaded for forgiveness, benching her reaction on too much love.

Shortly, Lanre incoming calls dropped to zero, he wasn’t effective in his job as much as before. His creative abilities reduced as well as his peace of mind. He tune-down his interpersonal abilities because Kate’s happiness is all he ever wanted to witness.

Although, he gave Kate the time she demanded but his reflecting teeth that accompanied his incomparable smile dimmed. Surprisingly, things became worst for him, he figured out he had lost himself. Kate’s consolation was nothing but a weak elevation. He started shifting gradually, stopped calling and texting her until they finally broke up.

Few months after the breakup, he hit a major contract that fetched him millions of dollars.

End of story.

Apparently, extreme jealousy can also be found in guys. It’s deeply sad that majority relationships involve pathological lovers (beast). I can relate with this because I was ones in a pain breaking, ass pinning relationship where my freedom got fried.

What is Pathological Jealousy?

Pathological jealousy means an individual believes they have exclusive ownership over another and that this ownership is necessary for them to maintain the relationship.

A pathologic lover is afraid to lose something he/she love. They like clinging and holding unto someone till they feel their last breath is the best option to give away unknown their spouse is suffocating and somewhat threatened.

Check out: Why young people fail in a relationship

Melanie Tonia Evans a narcissistic abuse recovery expert, healer, author and radio host said something profound in her article Jealousy- Pathological Jealousy and Envy.

“Pathological jealousy is born from deep insecurities, feelings of being unlovable and a panicked need to have to control to feel safe. Pathological jealousy is truly narcissistic".

"They don't trust, and no matter what is said or done, the panic never eases. Pathologically jealous individuals are hyper-vigilantly on the lookout for reasons to be jealous, and this can take on unthinkable levels".

"It's a tragedy that no matter how many times these people reassure their pathologically jealous partners, they simply don't have the emotional components to trust”.

Some Signs of Pathological Jealousy:

A) Accusations of looking at other people.

B) Accusations of giving attention to others.

C) Accusations of being uncaring and appearing single if not granting enough body contact or attention in public.

D) Interrogation of behaviour.

E) Interrogation of phone calls and all other forms of communication.

F) Reading diary, going through belongings.

G) Incessant questioning: where you were, who were you with?

H) Demanding reports of people in your company.

I) Isolating, not allowing you to socialise on your own.

J) Threatening with 'tit for tat' retaliations if you pursue own interests.

K) Taking your car keys and money.

L) Hiding makeup, damaging clothes.

M) Interrogating and accusing if home late.

N) Laying stipulations and conditions in regards to contact with other people.

O) Checking up on you.

P) Accusations of affairs when pulling away or attempting escape from the abuse.

Q) Accusations of affair when libido suffers as a result of the abuse.

R) Not being reassured.

S) Not trusting you.

T) Verbal and physical violence triggered by jealousy (the first picture describes this)

U) Blaming you for jealous behaviour.

V) Always an excuse for jealous behaviour,

W) Denying jealous behaviour (except when hitting 'rock bottom).

X) Gaslighting techniques trying to confuse your trust in self, trying to prove there is a reason to be jealous.

Check out: Signs to know you are in a wrong relationship

How to tame the beast if you are one;

I) Know that your spouse had friends before you started dating.

II) Help them network by introducing them to relevant contact that can enhance their career, product or services.

III) Always seek and wish them the best.

IV) Understand that people will always want to have them but they chose to be with you.

V) Be jealous but not furious.

What to do if you are dating a beast;

I) Run for your life cos pathologic lovers don't and will never change.
II) Keep running and don't look back cos they are smooth talkers and full of tempting surprises. 
III) While running, know that you will meet civilised people who have your interest at heart.

Wrap up

No doubt, every human is jealous over the one they love. Most times people go extra mile portraying how much it hurts to see the one they love with another person but I don’t see such as love, I see it as lack of wisdom.

Get rid of the furious baggage cos it will weigh you down for the rest of your life. Sadness is all you will witness in every relationship you step into.

My advice is to back off from any relationship that involves a Pathologic Lover… pick your bags and run for your life before they take all of you and turn you to wheat.

Tell em this

I don't see love

I see loss

Loss of who I am

The boss I am...

You sniffing around me for errors

Not only makes me feel like a minor

But wanna walk outta that door

I lost touch of my creativity

cos your love is a captivity

Starved of freedom

Plunged in a doom

A doom you call a dome

Mehn I'm done

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